Why I choose my nickname

At the time I started this blog, I was going through a really strange experience. I felt waves of depression sometimes. I could not think straight and felt tired most of the time. My pupils were dilated like I was on drugs, even though I never started getting high or doing drugs.  I could not seem to make it go away, or get myself back to a normal state for quite sometime.  Even though I hated the way I felt, I dared not see a doctor about it.  My husband had recently lost his job, and of course in my state, I could not make much effort in the job search department.
Eventually, I returned to "normal" whatever that means, so now I am as productive as if I ever was, and I no longer feel all spaced out, constantly over tired, or continuously overwhelmed with emotion.

At the time I started getting intrested in the occult, I was tempted to claim something like being 8=3 or something about crossing the abyss, but quickly realized that people would think I was just on an ego trip, so I shut up about it.

I first got involved after I had an experience in the Roman Catholic church praying against the current. I felt a wave of joy overpower me when I did this, and It felt really intense.  I felt I did not have the information to deal with the experience, so I started to reseach Satanism on the internet.  From there I got involved with Thelema, and the whole idea of "Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law."

It came down to the realization that I had let others dictate too much of what I should be doing, and not always listening to myself, ignoring my own feelings to do the things that others said they wanted.

Sometimes I wish I would have choose a different nickname, but I could not think of anything better at the time.